I’ve experienced those moments where time seems to stand still. Where I am completely present and aware of all my senses: sight, touch, sound, taste and smell. Where emotion is raw and real. Where I am reminded that life is so precious and fragile. Moments where it feels like a scene from a movie and all that’s missing is the sentimental music playing in the background.
Since becoming a mother these moments happen more often. Maybe it’s because becoming a mom opens up places in your heart and soul you never knew existed. Because now I feel more than I’ve ever felt before. I’m softer, more sensitive. I’m more vulnerable. My heart is now outside my body as my little miracles are exposed to this unpredictable world. It’s terrifying and stressful, yet beautiful and pure.
These moments are mine. They are what I hold on to. My children have taught me to be more present. But I know I will never feel and experience these moments as I do in the present. The emotions that come and flow when I hold my beautiful baby tight in my arms as he gently falls off into a slumber. His mouth sucks the air as if he is still feeding. His lips so tiny and perfect. His eyes slowly shut leaving his beautiful long lashes outlining his lids. He rests his head against my shoulder as I cradle his head gently in my hand. I kiss his head and let my cheek linger on his soft face. “He’s getting so big”, I think as I hold on a little tighter.
I want to stop time. I want to remember this moment, feel this exact moment 5 years, 20 years from now. I close my eyes and take it all in.
If only I could bottle up these moments.